Do you remember the movie Chariots of Fire? I watched it when I was about 15, and portions of it I remember very well. The tension of the training, the drama of competition, and the music that floats in my head even today. And those ridiculously happy young men dashing through the English surf in all whites! Seriously! Could the movie be more “white”? Luckily for this Canadian boy, we watched it in early summer, and for weeks afterwards I tested my new runners in the dirt of the pastures and the gravel of our roads. The theme song played on repeat in my mind as I glided effortlessly along, the thunderous cheers of the throng in my ears. Nope. The truth is I alternatively dashed and wheezed in front of bewildered chickens and blasé horses until I learned the truth.
I hated training.
I loved winning but not training! There are no crowds, no applause, and no medals. Training is hard. You sweat and ache, and then just for fun, you ache and sweat. Your lungs burn. The weather conditions are foul, or hot, or cold, or too nice to waste on training. Feet hurt, knees ache, blisters form. Training is not fun! You see my problem? Sigh. I wanted accolades from competing against toddlers. Then I wouldn’t have to train too hard. Probably.
It would have helped if I had a trainer. In the movies most of the runners had a trainer. I had none. In fact, most of my life has been lived without personal, private instruction in anything.
I wanted accolades from competing against toddlers.
-CPH
For instance, I can play guitar. But I’ve never received instruction, and my playing is rudimentary at best. What’s worse is I have developed hand positions and “techniques” that severely limit my potential for growth. Any competent guitarist would laugh himself sick watching me. I’ve reached my limit without rebuilding my skills from the ground up.
My spiritual journey was similar. I developed Christian “skills” that gave short term benefit but crippled my long-term growth. To use the running analogy again, spiritual feet that were never trail-hardened were made to sprint on Sunday, while I found ways to coddle myself during the week. I hated discipline, didn’t like self-control, despised the monotony of steady growth. So I cheated for my entire life. Physically, spiritually, morally, sexually, etc. My day of reckoning and judgement was severe. When the destruction wrought of my disastrous choices settled a bit, I found that, like my guitar playing, I had to rebuild everything. I had to rip out the foundations, challenge every assumption, test every principle. I wouldn’t have made it, but…
I found a training partner.
It wasn’t a counsellor, although they helped. My incredible wife was patient but insufficient. I needed someone who understood my perspective, my wounds, and could guide and empower my change. I needed Jesus! And He answered the deep cry of my soul. He has become that mentor, guide, and friend that I have been searching for all my life! There is deep, permanent hope now, and an underlying layer of joy that was missing for so many years. I’ve learned to trust the Word and run His way. Jesus transformed my life.
Finding hope beyond our spouse is critical.
CPH
I’m not the expert. In fact, I’m just a student with a lot of scars and experience. (Maybe that makes me a slow learner!) But I can walk with you for a time. I can show you ways God has lightened my load and brought joy to my running again. His principles work! I simply needed to quit modifying them for my own personal comfort.
The Bible is full of references and allusions to running. God highlighted Psalm 119:32 for me in early recovery, and it has stuck in my soul. “I will run the way of thy commandments, when thou shalt enlarge my heart.” I have chosen it as the theme verse for our training times together. This verse highlights some wonderful truths, but for now focus on this.
My running is directly related to the condition of my heart.
My heart has always been my core trouble. I wish it was as simple as bad cholesterol or something, but its much worse. My heart is desperately wicked, incredibly self-serving, and resistant to walking with God. And what I find most unsettling about my heart is that it loves to masquerade as pure, while harbouring the seeds of my destruction. Maybe your heart is similar. I’m betting it is.
- Jeremiah 17:9 (KJV) The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
The most destructive events in my life have all stemmed from hidden failures in my heart. This humble course is designed to help you learn from my mistakes. More importantly, its designed to help you train the way God intended, using His words, His principles, and His Spirit.
Jump back with me to Chariots of Fire. The movie revolves around two runners. Harold was obsessed with winning to prove himself, and Eric ran for God’s pleasure. It seems that I have spent most of my earthly race running to prove myself to myself, hoping for adulation and a medal. And like Harold, I found at the end that winning is empty. The more I won in real life, the more uncertain and unsettled I became as pretender syndrome set in. I’d like to be more like Eric, who ran for God’s pleasure and found joy and fulfillment in God’s smile.
I want to give you some hope for the days ahead. Running might be recklessly optimistic at this time. Perhaps lay, roll, crawl, limp, or hobble is more appropriate. It gets better! Way better! I invite you to come on this adventure with me. Its time to Learn to Run!
Charles Hollingsworth
Learning to Run 