“Courage consists of hanging on one minute longer.” Albert Payson Terhune We speak of holding on, a trite phrase, simplistic, pointless. Holding on to what? My sanity? Am I sane? Was I sane? Saniswane? Jabberwocky? No strength of yours or mine is sufficient to “hold on.” I have felt the strength of the storm … More Holding On
Written June 2018 I don’t dream well anymore. And that means I don’t sleep well either. I hate going to bed because sleep is impossible unless I am exhausted. My dreams are horrific. Death and destruction dog me relentlessly, making a horror movie seem like kiddie fare. Sometimes I am trying desperately to get away … More Waking Nightmares
I have a list and I hate it. On that list is everything the Holy Spirit brought to mind when I was getting right with my wife. It shocked me It is a list of those I committed adultery with. My wife has seen it. We have talked through it. That list is disgusting and … More Pandora’s Memories
Written June 2018 I have always been alone. Even as a child it seemed I could not make close friends. My cousin was the only close friend I ever had. The meaning of true friendship seems clear but where have I ever seen it in action? In those who abandoned my parents in multiple churches? … More Alone & Broken
Am I still sane? I’m not entirely sure. Because everything I am is still suspect, even my sanity is suspect. Nina wants to know if I am playing with her heart. No, I am playing with my sanity. People see a sad, quiet man. They should see an insanely distraught man with his hair on … More Madness & Charades
Written June 28, 2018 I have never felt so alone in my entire life, and I have always been alone. There has always been a huge gulf between me and others. Even in laughter, the heart has been sorrowful, but in that silence and emptiness, there was the illusion of friendship. I had taken comfort … More Screaming Silence
Learning to Run 